The Missing Ingredient in Setting Wellness Goals –  why you feel stuck and how Aligned Goal Setting creates the intrinsic motivation you need to follow through.

Introduction

Have you ever decided it’s time to make a change to support your health, only to find yourself endlessly planning, putting off any real action, or going all in on the plan for a week before burning out? If so, you’re not alone — and you’re likely making this mistake: you’re focusing your goals on the actions you think you should be taking.

On top of that, we’ve all been taught to set SMART goals — zooming in on measurable actions, tracking progress, and aiming for linear improvement. And while that has its place, it leaves out the part of the equation that actually determines whether you follow through: your mindset.

So if you’ve been stuck in the stage of knowing what to do but not doing it, or cycling between “on the wagon” and “off the wagon,” this post is for you.

I’m going to share the missing ingredient behind sustainable habits and introduce you to my Aligned Goal Setting Framework — the approach I use with my clients inside the Nourishing Vitality Method to help them create change to support their wellbeing that feel natural, caring, and long-lasting.

Let’s dig in.

P.S. Stay tuned for a special offer at the end of this post!

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Why Focusing on Action Is Keeping You Stuck

When you focus all your energy on what you should be doing, you work against the way your human brain and psyche function.  Let me explain…

Outsourcing your authority leads to resistance.

When you’re fixated on following someone else’s recommended steps, you disconnect from your own autonomy. You override, guilt, or pressure yourself to meet standards that weren’t necessarily designed for your life, your needs, or your values. 

You put your trust in someone or something outside yourself, negating the fact that you are the expert of yourself and your life.

Self-Determination Theory shows that we need autonomy — the ability to freely choose for ourselves — in order to build intrinsic motivation that keeps us engaged and persistently taking action. 

Trying to meet external expectations actually works against you. When you feel pressured or obligated, part of you will naturally push back. Resistance and rebellion aren’t flaws in your personality; they’re signs your autonomy is being threatened.

Fear is an ineffective motivator. 

People often try to change their habits because they’re afraid of: declining health, failing, disappointing themselves or others, falling behind, gaining weight… Thoughts like “I need to fix this, or else…” “I can’t mess this up,” or “Its now or never” create fear and urgency, which trigger the fight-or-flight response (we want to DO something).

Fight-or-flight was designed for short bursts, not everyday habits. It leaves you exhausted, and it makes every choice feel heavy and high-stakes. So that fear might spark quick action, but it can’t sustain long-term change.

What you need for lasting change is motivation rooted in care for yourself, aligned with what matters most, and supported by trust in your own capability (spoiler alert: that’s what the Aligned Goal Setting Framework is designed to do!).

Your thoughts shape your feelings — and your feelings drive your actions.

This is the heart of cognitive behavioral coaching, and we’ve already begun to see how it works: 

When you’re following someone else’s rules (outsourced authority) or acting from fear (fight-or-flight motivation), your thoughts will naturally reflect that pressure:

• “I should be following the protocol, what”s wrong with me? !”
• “I’m so behind.”
• “I have to get this right or else.”

These thoughts generate discouragement, pressure, fear, or overwhelm — and you will act from those feelings every time:

• Discouragement leads to giving up or not even starting.
• Pressure may get you moving briefly, but it often burns out or causes rebellion.
• Overwhelm tends to shut everything down entirely – no wonder you procrastinate and doom scroll!

So it makes sense that self defeating thoughts are reinforced and you continue to feel stuck, which perpetuates the same cycle. This is not because you’re lazy or inconsistent, but because your thoughts and feelings were never aligned with taking productive actions to begin with.

As a non-diet nutritionist and a certified cognitive behavioral coach, I see these patterns with clients every day. You’re smart, capable people who don’t need more information, protocols, and accountability. You need a way of setting goals that is in sync with how your brains work, that creates the feelings you want now, and leads to taking actions naturally that work for you within the context of your life.

Let me show you how this is done.

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What to Do Instead: The Aligned Goal Setting Framework

The Aligned Goal Setting Framework helps you create goals that match your deeper motivations, your values, and how your inner wiring guides your choices. Instead of forcing actions from a place of pressure and fear, you build actions from thoughts and feelings that naturally support you.

Here’s how it works:

1. Find the deeper meaning: create intrinsic motivation from a place of care and support.

Most people only look at the surface of their goals:
“I want to eat healthy.”
“I want to manage my blood pressure.”
“I want to move more.”

But deeper down, what you truly want is a feeling —  confidence, competence, freedom, strength, safety, trust, joy, energy, peace….

When you explore “why this matters” several layers deep, you uncover the deeper reasons for wanting to change.  This shifts you out of fear because it creates understanding about what you really care about.   

It also helps you identify the feeling you’re truly seeking, which you can learn to cultivate now, instead of waiting until some future moment of success.  This is the basis of intrinsic motivation that will fuel habit forming action.

Here’s how to do it – 

Ask yourself:
“What will it mean for me to achieve this goal?”
Then ask again:
“And what will that mean?”
Keep going until you reach the emotional core.

2. Reclaim your autonomy by giving yourself permission

Remember, reclaiming your autonomy is key in taking action.  If you don’t consciously give yourself permission to create your own ground rules, your brain will default to perfectionism. It will compare you to unrealistic standards or someone else’s expectations. And that kills motivation.

So give yourself permission to decide:

• what counts as progress
• what you get credit for
• what pace feels safe
• what level of effort is sustainable
• what matters most to you in your life right now

This inner authority starts to quiet the inner critic that says you’re “not good enough” and builds self-trust.  And when we trust ourselves, we know we have our own back, we believe in ourselves, and treat ourselves with respect.  This leads to long-term actions that support our wellbeing.

3. Create new thoughts that generate the feeling you want now.

Now that you’ve uncovered the deeper meaning behind your goal, identified the emotions you’re ultimately seeking, and reclaimed your autonomy, you’re ready for the next step: creating new thoughts on purpose.

Yes — you can decide what you want your brain to think.
And when you choose thoughts intentionally, you can create the emotional state you want right now, instead of waiting until you’ve “arrived” or succeeded in your goal.

Inside the Aligned Goal Setting Framework, I guide you through a Thought Ladder exercise — a process that helps you design thoughts that are believable, compassionate, and help you rewire your thinking to become the person who easily takes the desired action.

This isn’t forced positivity or pretending everything is wonderful.  These tactics can feel like lying to yourself and are a form of pressuring yourself to do something you aren’t really ready for.

Instead, the Thought Ladder helps you choose thoughts your mind can actually accept — thoughts that create feelings like confidence, safety, capability, peace, or whatever emotional state supports your goal.

Here’s how the ladder works:

• We start at the bottom rung with a thought you easily believe about the topic of your goal, maybe not about yourself, but that it is true for other people.
  
• Then we choose a new thought that is just one step above — a thought that feels “safe enough.”  Something your brain doesn’t argue with, that’s pretty neutral, but maybe feels just a little edgy.  You practice this thought, paying attention to how it makes you feel, and creating inner safety.
  
• As that new thought becomes familiar and true-feeling, you move up to the next thought.  Each step builds on the last — creating a gradual shift that makes sense to your brain as it rewires in alignment with what feels safe and true in your body, instead of a forced leap that your mind and body discounts.
  
• Eventually, you reach the top of the ladder: the thought that the future version of you — the one who naturally lives the habit — would think with ease.
  But now it feels true because you’ve built the emotional foundation for it.

This progressive approach creates real, lasting change because each thought gently reshapes your beliefs in a way that is aligned with safety and the feelings you desire.

And as your thoughts and feelings shift — when you feel more capable, at ease, supported, and encouraged — your actions change almost automatically.
No pushing.
No forcing.

Just aligned thoughts → aligned feelings → aligned action.

4. Look for evidence that reinforces your new thought.

Your brain loves patterns and is designed to reinforce what you already think.
So the best way to reinforce a new thought is to intentionally look for evidence that supports it.

So if your new thought is something like:

• “I’m learning to listen and respond to my hunger,”
• “I eat vegetables every day,” or
• “All movement is good movement,”

…your brain will begin noticing every small action or intention that matches that.

This step rewires your thought-feeling-action cycle over time in a way that feels gentle, steady, and grounded.

If this is speaking to you, I’m offering a special Aligned Goal Setting for 2026 Masterclass January 6th (and it’s FREE!)

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From Frustrated to Confident: An Aligned Goal Setting Example

Let’s put this all together with a common goal: eating more vegetables.

Most people treat this as a simple action problem. They jump straight into strategies — gathering recipes, mapping out meal plans, maybe even challenging themselves to eat 30 different vegetables in a week. The plan feels exciting at first… until the vegetables end up rotting in the fridge. Within days, frustration sets in, and they start feeling like they’ve failed.

But when we get curious, we see something important:
There’s much more going on beneath the surface.

By asking “What will it mean for me to achieve this goal?” we uncover the deeper reasons behind wanting to eat more vegetables. Answers often sound like:

• “I’ll have more energy.”
• “I’ll lower inflammation and feel less pain.”
• “I’ll feel more at ease about my health.”
• “I’ll trust myself more.”
• “I’ll feel happier in my body.”

Suddenly, it becomes clear: eating vegetables isn’t just about putting them on a plate. It’s tied to a whole sense of wellbeing. No wonder it can feel high-stakes — like getting it right matters so much — which can quickly become overwhelming.

When we shift into understanding and care around what matters about this goal, we can see the underlying emotional needs: confidence, happiness, peace, trust.  These are key in creating the internal motivation that will lead to lasting action.

When we shift into understanding and care around what matters about this goal, we can see the underlying emotional needs: confidence, happiness, peace, trust.  These are key in creating the internal motivation that will lead to lasting action.

But before we do anything else, we reclaim our autonomy in how we pursue our goal. Instead of forcing big changes or strict rules, we give ourselves permission to:

• count every small shift
• move at a realistic pace
• build on what we’re already doing

With that foundation, we’re ready to choose thoughts that support the feelings that will naturally lead us into action.

Thoughts like:

“I eat vegetables every day.”
This builds confidence and momentum by helping you notice what you are already doing. It’s much easier to take action when you feel capable.

“I appreciate how my body is showing up for me today.”
This cultivates happiness by shifting your focus to what’s working now, rather than what you fear might happen in the future.

“I’m exploring new ways to eat vegetables.”
This thought promotes curiosity and builds self-trust as it gives you credit for every step of the process, not just the final outcome.

The last step is to reinforce these new thoughts daily — noticing how they make us feel and looking for evidence of how they’re true. As we feel more confident, capable, happy, and curious, taking on a new recipe or adding more veggies to a dish will become easy, a natural response to how we are thinking and feeling. 

As we progress toward our goal, we’ll cultivate new thoughts that propel even more action, as we feel ready and willing.  Soon we realize we’ve become someone who naturally eats lots of vegetables! 

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You might be wondering: “Are these gentle thoughts really going to make a big difference? I need some real change!”

I totally get this!

When something in your health or wellbeing feels big or urgent, it’s natural to believe the solution needs to be equally big, dramatic, or intense. We’re conditioned to think that big problems require big action.

But here’s the truth:
When you try to tackle huge changes without aligning your thoughts, your beliefs, and your emotional foundation, those big action ideas almost always backfire.

It’s like you’re standing on one side of a wide canyon while your goal sits on the other.
You can see it clearly.
You want it badly.
But no amount of willpower will let you leap across. The gap is simply too wide.

This is the moment where most people tell themselves they aren’t good enough that they’ve failed — when really, the approach is flawed and has failed them.

And instead of thinking, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just do it?”
You begin thinking, “Of course I can move forward — I’m creating the structure that makes it doable.”

That’s where real change happens.
Not through force, but through alignment.

Support for building your bridge

If you’ve never built a bridge, it can be challenging to do it on your own.  Inside The Nourishing Vitality Method I provide personalized coaching so you are guaranteed to break through the patterns that keep you stuck and support you in moving forward more effectively. 

I walk you through the Aligned Goal Setting Framework in a way that feels intuitive and responsive to your unique situation – not a forced homework assignment.  

All through easy conversation and supplemental tools as needed.  

You will build self awareness and lifelong skills that can apply to any part of your life.

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Let’s Sum it Up

In this post, you discovered why focusing only on actions can keep you stuck, even when you know exactly what you “should” be doing. You learned how aligning your goals with your thoughts and feelings turns wellness into something you can sustain, even through real-life challenges.

By uncovering the deeper meaning behind your goals, reclaiming your autonomy, choosing thoughts that support the way you want to feel, and looking for daily evidence that reinforces that new thinking, you create changes that last. Not because you’re forcing yourself, but because your actions start to feel natural and aligned.

When your thoughts, feelings, and actions are working together, everything becomes easier:

• You stop second-guessing yourself.
• You stop wasting energy on the “I’ll start Monday” plan.
• You bounce back faster when life gets bumpy.
• And you feel good about yourself long before you reach the finish line.

Most importantly, you start experiencing confidence, peace, and self-trust now — not months down the line.
That’s what makes this different. This approach not only helps you reach your goals, it helps you feel better on the way there.

You are absolutely capable of this shift. And you don’t have to navigate it alone.

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Take the Next Step

If you’re ready to stop circling around your goals and finally start moving in a way that feels grounded, supported, and doable, I’ve got you!

Schedule your Nourishing Vitality Jump Start — a short term personalized process with one-on-one sessions where we’ll get clear on:

• what your goals and struggles are
• what’s really been keeping you stuck
• what your deeper motivations reveal about what you actually need
• the specific shifts that will help you feel more confident and capable right away
• how to start building aligned habits that fit your real life.

This is your chance to experience what it feels like to work with your mind and your emotions — not against them — so you can create meaningful momentum and tangible action toward the wellbeing you want.

And because a new year is a beautiful time to set intentions that truly match who you’re becoming…

✨ New Year’s Special Offer: Aligned Goal Setting for 2026 Masterclass ✨

Start the new year aligned – Sign up for my FREE Aligned Goal Setting for 2026 Masterclass.